Ready to Live a Healthy, Happy, Purposeful Life?

There is nothing quite like personal development. By choosing to develop oneself, you are saying, "I assume full responsibility for every aspect of my life." While many may be clothed in an adult body, there is a lack of personal responsibility noted amongst humankind. You may be asking, "What are you talking about Monique?" In its simplest form, too many adults behave like immature children. Quite frankly, it is sad. 

Adults throwing temper tantrums, being irresponsible, using manipulation to gain control, bullying, lying, stealing, cheating...the list goes on. But that is not the reason for this post. Quite frankly, it is one of many catalysts that keeps me focused on leading a happy, healthy, and purposeful life. I would like to share 3 important tips on engaging in personal development that will change your life forever.

Tip #1

Personal development begins and ends with YOU!
This is the most powerful tip in my arsenal. Once you adopt this mindset, the real magic begins. I grew up as a people pleaser, hoping that approval will somehow get me into heaven (I don't know what I was thinking). People pleasing meant that I became prisoner to other people's expectations and limitations. Are you a people pleaser? A good way to figure this out is to look at the profession you chose.

·        Are you a caretaker? 

·        Low paid, unappreciated employee? 

·        Unhappy in your current position but feel stuck for some reason? 

Another way to examine if you are a people pleaser is to look at the type of people you are surrounded by. 

·        Are they needy? 

·        Toxic? 

·        Unappreciative? 

·        Do you feel like you are being taken advantage of? 

If you answered YES to the questions above, then it is quite possible you are a people pleaser. If this is the case, I have both good and bad news for you. The good news is you can take control of your life and make an exchange for a happy, healthy, purposeful life. The bad news is you will lose friends along the way. This is a part of personal development, recognizing what is honorable for you and ridding yourself of those people and behaviors that are dishonorable. The bottom line is…personal development begins and ends with you. You have more authority than you know by assuming responsibility for yourself.

Tip #2

Personal development requires discipline.
Yep, I said the D word. Everyone wants to take the fastest route to success. But most people lack the discipline that is necessary to be successful. As a mother of 8, I recently completed a medical degree. This was the result of discipline. Discipline to drive to and from class on snow covered roads, commuting 2-4 hours each way even when I didn't feel like it. Discipline to turn down invitations to social gatherings even when I really wanted to go. The discipline that was required for me to study, spend countless hours in clinic, and still maintain my personal and professional lives are unheard of.  

·        Do you have discipline? 

·        What goals have you set out to accomplish years ago that is still hanging in the wind? 

·        Are you in need of discipline?

I will share in a later post how to become more discipline. But for now, let this marinate: Personal development requires discipline. 

Tip #3

You have access to everything needed to start your journey right now.
There is a myriad of resources available for you to begin your personal development journey today. There are tons of courses, coaches, books, and other resources available for you to gather useful information and skills. As mentioned earlier, this process begins and ends with you.

For those who are ready to start taking full responsibility for your life, respond 'I'm Ready' below. 

For those already on their personal development journey, what has your journey been like? What have you learned along the way? Share your thoughts and feelings about making the choice to grow and develop below. 

Remember personal development is a process of assuming full responsibility for your life. If you are ready to get more acquainted with yourself and assume full responsibility for every area of your life, then it is time to begin your personal development journey.

If you found this useful, feel free to share it with others. 

Dr. Monique Walker

The Truth Is…

I find myself searching for someone that will never be found.  I am looking for someone who is ambitious, happy, stable, loving, kind, a believer and follower of God.  Someone to compliment my rollercoaster life.  Someone to break bread with.  You know, a ride or die.  Someone with focus and goals.  This person has to fit MY ideal image in all of these areas.   This person has to understand all of the intricacies that make me who I am. 

I have searched from coast to coast, looking for my ideal person.  While on the road I found an abuser, a recluse, and an imposter.  While it is easy to give these individuals a title and be judgmental of who they are, the truth is the person with the real issues is me.  The truth is by searching I am going outside of myself to find something that I have made up in my mind to be ideal.  On that note, I am attracting just the opposite of what I am looking for.  Ambitious becomes lazy, happy becomes sad, stable becomes chaotic, loving becomes jealousy, kind becomes selfish, and believer becomes nonbeliever.  How on earth can this person compliment my rollercoaster life much less break bread with me?  Forget about ride or die that becomes run for your life girl.  That is just what I have been doing, running for my life. 

I am now tired of searching, feeling disappointed, disconnected, and running for my life.  I am now forced to face my demons head on.  What I have found is my truth.  The truth is:

• People are not projects that require repair or even someone’s opinion of who they are.
• Either you accept someone for who they are or leave them alone.
• Each person has their own self work to do. Be respectful of their process.

With that said, my search is over.  As I sit here alone with my ideal ideas, I discovered that my ideal person was never lost.  Therefore, my searching was pointless.  As a matter of fact, I have had that person all along.  I have been running and searching everywhere for something that was in plain sight.  She is me and I am her, a woman who is willing to stand in her truth, submitting to personal growth, and spiritual maturity.  I challenge you to stand in your truth.

My Prince Charming

The worst thing that someone can do to another person is play with their mind.  This is the technique my abuser employed against me from early on in the relationship.  He targeted me because I was young, filled with naiveté, and had loose boundaries stemming from childhood traumas.  I was a successful professional, financially independent, and in a failing marriage.  He knew exactly what to say and what to do. Surprisingly, we shared the same interests, family views, long term goals, and childhood pains.  When we were together we were inseparable.  It was as though I was looking in the mirror.  Yes, he had flaws, but I was willing to work with him.  After all…I had my own personal issues, right? 

Before I knew it, I was love bombed, pregnant, and separated from my husband.  I found my prince charming and was ready to ride off into the sunset on our white stallion.  But there was one problem, my prince charming was hiding a big secret. He was not who had pretended to be.  As a matter of fact, he was the opposite of the person he had portrayed.  He was a monster.  He could not hold the fake persona together for very long.  As a matter of fact, when I announced that I was pregnant his mask fell off and what I saw was rather repulsive.  He congratulated me with a series of obscenities and total disconnect.  His response left me in a state of confusion.  What happened?  I could not comprehend. 

I spent the rest of our relationship searching for my prince charming.  But instead, my prince charming became the occasional house guest and the monster under the mask took over.  The monster under the mask had a field day with me.  His words and actions were always incongruent.  He would snare, “I love you.”  It was the weirdest thing I have ever experienced.  The monster would hide my belongings and then assist me in searching for what he had hidden.  The strangest thing was that the monster always seemed to recover all “lost items.”  He would blame the children and I for misplacing things, such as my keys, my debit card, etc.  I thought I was going crazy for a long time.  I would repeatedly try to reassure myself by saying, “I know I’m not crazy! I know I’m not crazy!”  But the monster made it his point of duty to attempt to convince me that something was wrong with me and I was indeed losing my mind.  The monster under the mask made many empty promises and false commitments to our family.  In all of my naiveté, I held on hoping for change.  He was aggressive, possessive, and controlling.  I lived with the monster and his secret for many years and continued having children with him.  Whenever he was abusive he would apologize and become my prince charming once again.  Prince charming only hung around temporarily though, and the cycle of abuse repeated itself over and over again. 

In the very end, my prince charming had left for good, never to return.  The monster under the mask had taken over completely. The funny thing is…my perception of my prince charming had nothing to do with the monster under mask.  In the end, I realized that the beautiful prince charming that he had introduced me to was just a mirror image of ME!

Three Steps to Forgiveness

As we go through life we face many experiences, some pleasurable and others painful. Pleasurable events help motivate us to continue moving forward.  On the other hand, painful events can create spiritual shock, paralysis, dismay, or anger.  The unpleasant feelings that accompany painful moments can overshadow our lives if we allow them to, leading to depression, anxiety, and even mental illness.  Therefore, it is imperative that we find healthy ways to cope with emotional pain.   There are 3 steps in managing painful experiences effectively: acknowledge, pray, and forgive.

 

ACKNOWLEDGE

Acknowledgement is the beginning stage in every process imaginable to mankind.  For example, if your car has a problem, you must first acknowledge the issue before bringing the car to the mechanic; if you are sick, you must first acknowledge the symptoms in order to seek medical  attention; and if you are in debt, you must first acknowledge that you are ultimately struggling with life balance in order to devise a plan to get out of debt.   Acknowledgement is integral to all that we do, we must first acknowledge a matter before addressing it.  This is the same concept that surrounds the premise of coping with painful experiences.  To effectively address pain, we must first acknowledge that the pain exists.  In acknowledging your pain, you will find that you are ready to move forward to the next step, pray.

 

PRAY

The power of prayer is often underestimated.  I can attest to the fact that prayer is indeed powerful.  As humans, we are not designed to carry emotional baggage and burden.  As a matter of fact, painful experiences are merely growth opportunities.  Think about it, when a child or teenager  grows they complain of joint and bone pains, known as "growing pains"; when a woman becomes  pregnant and the baby grows, the mother experiences pain throughout her body; and when we experience pain on any realm (physical, emotional, spiritual, etc.) the same applies.  In reflecting on the idea that pain equals growth, it is important to recognize that pain accompanied by prayer expedites the growth process.  Prayer serves as anesthesia to pain. Additionally, the heavy baggage that comes along with emotional pain becomes God baggage.  He works through those issues, leaving you only with the memories that can be used to glorify Him.  Pray faithfully and walk your assigned walk and the pain will soon disappear. 

 

FORGIVE                                                                                                                                            

Forgiveness is a positive end product of painful experiences.  Upon arriving at a place of forgiveness, true recognition and personal growth is at its prime.  By forgiving someone for what they have done, you release yourself from emotional prison.  This is the step that allows you to breathe easier and rid yourself of all negativity.  Remember, someone's actions toward you is not a reflection of you.  It is a reflection of the pain that they are harboring inside.  As you move into forgiveness, remember to pray for them as they too are hurting on levels you may never understand.  Forgive and move forward in faith. 

In the very end, forgiving other for your pain makes you healthier overall.  Here are some questions to reflect on:

       1.       Is there someone that is being held hostage related to your pain?  Is that person you?

       2.       How much are you willing to sacrifice to wallow in old painful memories?

       3.       Are you struggling with forgiveness?

       4.       Are you ready to experience life with a renewed view?     

If you would like to discuss finding forgiveness, feel free to contact me for your free 30 minute consultation at 1-855-962-7550.