The Truth Is…

I find myself searching for someone that will never be found.  I am looking for someone who is ambitious, happy, stable, loving, kind, a believer and follower of God.  Someone to compliment my rollercoaster life.  Someone to break bread with.  You know, a ride or die.  Someone with focus and goals.  This person has to fit MY ideal image in all of these areas.   This person has to understand all of the intricacies that make me who I am. 

I have searched from coast to coast, looking for my ideal person.  While on the road I found an abuser, a recluse, and an imposter.  While it is easy to give these individuals a title and be judgmental of who they are, the truth is the person with the real issues is me.  The truth is by searching I am going outside of myself to find something that I have made up in my mind to be ideal.  On that note, I am attracting just the opposite of what I am looking for.  Ambitious becomes lazy, happy becomes sad, stable becomes chaotic, loving becomes jealousy, kind becomes selfish, and believer becomes nonbeliever.  How on earth can this person compliment my rollercoaster life much less break bread with me?  Forget about ride or die that becomes run for your life girl.  That is just what I have been doing, running for my life. 

I am now tired of searching, feeling disappointed, disconnected, and running for my life.  I am now forced to face my demons head on.  What I have found is my truth.  The truth is:

• People are not projects that require repair or even someone’s opinion of who they are.
• Either you accept someone for who they are or leave them alone.
• Each person has their own self work to do. Be respectful of their process.

With that said, my search is over.  As I sit here alone with my ideal ideas, I discovered that my ideal person was never lost.  Therefore, my searching was pointless.  As a matter of fact, I have had that person all along.  I have been running and searching everywhere for something that was in plain sight.  She is me and I am her, a woman who is willing to stand in her truth, submitting to personal growth, and spiritual maturity.  I challenge you to stand in your truth.

I'M DONE

I have decided today is the day that I am going to sever some lifelong relationships.  This is the type of decision that usually weighs heavy on my heart.  But, this time around, I feel peaceful.  I’m at peace with ending these relationships because I am at a place of being “DONE.” Done with the lies, mediocrity, limitations, deceit, and heavy burdens these relationships have placed on me. 

Have you ever had to leave a situation that no longer serves you, but instead suck the life out of you?  If you have, then you know exactly what I’m talking about. You see, this post is not about being mean or scandalous but instead being transparent; sharing some deep thoughts and feelings that most people would be afraid to share.  But as I said earlier, I AM DONE…I AM DONE…I AM DONE!

Therefore, shame, self-doubt, and fear, consider this your eviction notice.  You have no place in my life.  There is no room for you here anymore.  I am reclaiming the space you once occupied and I am replacing you with honor, security, and courage.  You have crippled me for long enough and I am moving on without you. 

Every time you thought you had me face down, I was simply consulting with my newfound friends.  Honor told me that I am not my past nor my future, I am my present.  There is nothing to be ashamed of.  Goodbye shame!

Security told me that self-doubt is merely a manipulative, dishonest thought pattern buried in my subconscious mind.  For this reason, I have worked hard to dig you out of the crevices of my subconscious and I’m giving you the boot too.

As for fear, you have been with me since I was a little girl.  You were introduced to me by people that I thought I could trust.  For this reason, I held on to you tightly and allowed you to introduce me to your friends, shame and self-doubt. These are the things you would tell me:

• “You will never be…”
• “You are going to fail…”
• “You’ll never make it…”
• “What if…?”

Quite frankly, I am sick and tired of you weighing me down.  As a matter of fact, you get the middle finger and a swift kick in your behind.  I AM THROUGH WITH YOU!

Today is the day I choose to reclaim my life from the shame, self-doubt, and fear I once felt.  I am replacing them with honor, security, and courage.  I will no longer allow self-limiting beliefs guide my life.  Through self-reflection, soul searching, and walking in faith, I have discovered that the real me is self-defined.  Negative belief systems have no home here.  In defining myself, I am an honorable, secure, and courageous woman.  I feel much better now that I have faced those demons head on. I feel relieved!  Today, I am an even better version of me.  Mission Accomplished!

Today is the day you should consider evicting negativity from your life.  Reclaim yourself and move forward in faith, knowing that you are not your past or even your future.  You are who you choose to be in this moment.  You are honorable!  Move forward knowing that you are in control of your thoughts and security can easily replace self-doubt. You are secure! Move forward with faith knowing that you are adequately prepared to face any obstacle head on.  You are courageous!

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