It is Never Too Late!

Dear Dreamer,

When I woke up this morning, I realized I was not dreaming.  My heart is filled with joy and my spirit filled with happiness and laughter. To complete the hard work that is required to become a doctor was very challenging. However, it pales in comparison to my life experiences.

Go to school, get good grades, pass, then your promoted.  On the other hand, go to school, get bad grades, fail, then you will have to do the class all over again. However, life is a little bit different. In life, you live, make good decisions, reap the benefits. On the other hand, when you make bad decisions in life, the consequences may last a lifetime. There are no retakes or make ups once a bad decision is made. However, it is never too late to become conscious of who you really are and make choices that will put you on a healthier path.

The benefits of good decisions are available for anyone to reap. This is my life story and how I chose to make good life decisions and create a legacy that will go on for many generations to come. It is never too late to implement good decision making, change, and grow spiritually! 

Many Blessing 

Dr. Monique Walker

Unsilent

I have spent the last 4 years of my life running and hiding from a very dark past

Hoping that my past would just disappear and I would be free at last

Free to be me no longer feeling guilt, anger, or shame   

Free to live a normal life, no longer dwelling in self-blame

Self-hate, distorted self-image, low self-esteem

Absent self-worth, no time to pursue my dreams

Because dreaming is a crime when you live in chaos

My thoughts were too foggy to even get them across

Trying to hold it together when out with others

Putting on the façade of being an unbothered mother

Truth be told, I was burdened by holding this ugly secret

A secret that damages whoever chooses to keep it

It is a secret called domestic violence

It is that dirty shameful secret that keeps victims silent

Today is the day that I choose to share my pain

No longer weighed down by guilt, anger, and shame

By the way, that secret is no longer safe with me 

Because God has given me confirmation that I am free

Free to be me, pursue my dreams, no more secrets

Free to lead a fruitful life without regrets

The moral of the story is no matter what you’re going through

Rely on God to turn all your experiences to good use 

There is an elephant in the room that we are trying to avoid

The problem is, it is so big it creates a huge void

It takes up unnecessary space and impose on our lives

Even if it doesn’t affect you directly, it affects husbands and wives

Children, families, and friends everywhere

Are broken apart and drowning in their own tears

Despite their cries, others turn a blind eye

Pretending not to see the elephant, why?

Why does society pretend to be perfect? Yet it is very clear

Domestic violence is real and it will not just disappear

If we continue to ignore it it will only get worst

It has taken mothers, fathers, children, leaving families disturbed

But this is one woman who is taking a stand

Facing the elephant head on, I chose to take a stand. 

Standing up for those who are too afraid to speak

Taking a stand for those whose minds are too weak

Taking a stand for all who have experienced loss to domestic violence

Because the elephant will move, once I break my silence

So are you going to continue to sit there in bondage and lies?

Or are you going to fess up and give the elephant a surprise?

Are you ready to take back your homes, churches, and schools?

Then stand up and say NO to all forms of abuse.

It is time to identify love from a healthy standpoint with healthy eyes

Time to reinforce boundaries and create healthy family ties.

My Prince Charming

The worst thing that someone can do to another person is play with their mind.  This is the technique my abuser employed against me from early on in the relationship.  He targeted me because I was young, filled with naiveté, and had loose boundaries stemming from childhood traumas.  I was a successful professional, financially independent, and in a failing marriage.  He knew exactly what to say and what to do. Surprisingly, we shared the same interests, family views, long term goals, and childhood pains.  When we were together we were inseparable.  It was as though I was looking in the mirror.  Yes, he had flaws, but I was willing to work with him.  After all…I had my own personal issues, right? 

Before I knew it, I was love bombed, pregnant, and separated from my husband.  I found my prince charming and was ready to ride off into the sunset on our white stallion.  But there was one problem, my prince charming was hiding a big secret. He was not who had pretended to be.  As a matter of fact, he was the opposite of the person he had portrayed.  He was a monster.  He could not hold the fake persona together for very long.  As a matter of fact, when I announced that I was pregnant his mask fell off and what I saw was rather repulsive.  He congratulated me with a series of obscenities and total disconnect.  His response left me in a state of confusion.  What happened?  I could not comprehend. 

I spent the rest of our relationship searching for my prince charming.  But instead, my prince charming became the occasional house guest and the monster under the mask took over.  The monster under the mask had a field day with me.  His words and actions were always incongruent.  He would snare, “I love you.”  It was the weirdest thing I have ever experienced.  The monster would hide my belongings and then assist me in searching for what he had hidden.  The strangest thing was that the monster always seemed to recover all “lost items.”  He would blame the children and I for misplacing things, such as my keys, my debit card, etc.  I thought I was going crazy for a long time.  I would repeatedly try to reassure myself by saying, “I know I’m not crazy! I know I’m not crazy!”  But the monster made it his point of duty to attempt to convince me that something was wrong with me and I was indeed losing my mind.  The monster under the mask made many empty promises and false commitments to our family.  In all of my naiveté, I held on hoping for change.  He was aggressive, possessive, and controlling.  I lived with the monster and his secret for many years and continued having children with him.  Whenever he was abusive he would apologize and become my prince charming once again.  Prince charming only hung around temporarily though, and the cycle of abuse repeated itself over and over again. 

In the very end, my prince charming had left for good, never to return.  The monster under the mask had taken over completely. The funny thing is…my perception of my prince charming had nothing to do with the monster under mask.  In the end, I realized that the beautiful prince charming that he had introduced me to was just a mirror image of ME!