My Prince Charming

The worst thing that someone can do to another person is play with their mind.  This is the technique my abuser employed against me from early on in the relationship.  He targeted me because I was young, filled with naiveté, and had loose boundaries stemming from childhood traumas.  I was a successful professional, financially independent, and in a failing marriage.  He knew exactly what to say and what to do. Surprisingly, we shared the same interests, family views, long term goals, and childhood pains.  When we were together we were inseparable.  It was as though I was looking in the mirror.  Yes, he had flaws, but I was willing to work with him.  After all…I had my own personal issues, right? 

Before I knew it, I was love bombed, pregnant, and separated from my husband.  I found my prince charming and was ready to ride off into the sunset on our white stallion.  But there was one problem, my prince charming was hiding a big secret. He was not who had pretended to be.  As a matter of fact, he was the opposite of the person he had portrayed.  He was a monster.  He could not hold the fake persona together for very long.  As a matter of fact, when I announced that I was pregnant his mask fell off and what I saw was rather repulsive.  He congratulated me with a series of obscenities and total disconnect.  His response left me in a state of confusion.  What happened?  I could not comprehend. 

I spent the rest of our relationship searching for my prince charming.  But instead, my prince charming became the occasional house guest and the monster under the mask took over.  The monster under the mask had a field day with me.  His words and actions were always incongruent.  He would snare, “I love you.”  It was the weirdest thing I have ever experienced.  The monster would hide my belongings and then assist me in searching for what he had hidden.  The strangest thing was that the monster always seemed to recover all “lost items.”  He would blame the children and I for misplacing things, such as my keys, my debit card, etc.  I thought I was going crazy for a long time.  I would repeatedly try to reassure myself by saying, “I know I’m not crazy! I know I’m not crazy!”  But the monster made it his point of duty to attempt to convince me that something was wrong with me and I was indeed losing my mind.  The monster under the mask made many empty promises and false commitments to our family.  In all of my naiveté, I held on hoping for change.  He was aggressive, possessive, and controlling.  I lived with the monster and his secret for many years and continued having children with him.  Whenever he was abusive he would apologize and become my prince charming once again.  Prince charming only hung around temporarily though, and the cycle of abuse repeated itself over and over again. 

In the very end, my prince charming had left for good, never to return.  The monster under the mask had taken over completely. The funny thing is…my perception of my prince charming had nothing to do with the monster under mask.  In the end, I realized that the beautiful prince charming that he had introduced me to was just a mirror image of ME!

Three Steps to Forgiveness

As we go through life we face many experiences, some pleasurable and others painful. Pleasurable events help motivate us to continue moving forward.  On the other hand, painful events can create spiritual shock, paralysis, dismay, or anger.  The unpleasant feelings that accompany painful moments can overshadow our lives if we allow them to, leading to depression, anxiety, and even mental illness.  Therefore, it is imperative that we find healthy ways to cope with emotional pain.   There are 3 steps in managing painful experiences effectively: acknowledge, pray, and forgive.

 

ACKNOWLEDGE

Acknowledgement is the beginning stage in every process imaginable to mankind.  For example, if your car has a problem, you must first acknowledge the issue before bringing the car to the mechanic; if you are sick, you must first acknowledge the symptoms in order to seek medical  attention; and if you are in debt, you must first acknowledge that you are ultimately struggling with life balance in order to devise a plan to get out of debt.   Acknowledgement is integral to all that we do, we must first acknowledge a matter before addressing it.  This is the same concept that surrounds the premise of coping with painful experiences.  To effectively address pain, we must first acknowledge that the pain exists.  In acknowledging your pain, you will find that you are ready to move forward to the next step, pray.

 

PRAY

The power of prayer is often underestimated.  I can attest to the fact that prayer is indeed powerful.  As humans, we are not designed to carry emotional baggage and burden.  As a matter of fact, painful experiences are merely growth opportunities.  Think about it, when a child or teenager  grows they complain of joint and bone pains, known as "growing pains"; when a woman becomes  pregnant and the baby grows, the mother experiences pain throughout her body; and when we experience pain on any realm (physical, emotional, spiritual, etc.) the same applies.  In reflecting on the idea that pain equals growth, it is important to recognize that pain accompanied by prayer expedites the growth process.  Prayer serves as anesthesia to pain. Additionally, the heavy baggage that comes along with emotional pain becomes God baggage.  He works through those issues, leaving you only with the memories that can be used to glorify Him.  Pray faithfully and walk your assigned walk and the pain will soon disappear. 

 

FORGIVE                                                                                                                                            

Forgiveness is a positive end product of painful experiences.  Upon arriving at a place of forgiveness, true recognition and personal growth is at its prime.  By forgiving someone for what they have done, you release yourself from emotional prison.  This is the step that allows you to breathe easier and rid yourself of all negativity.  Remember, someone's actions toward you is not a reflection of you.  It is a reflection of the pain that they are harboring inside.  As you move into forgiveness, remember to pray for them as they too are hurting on levels you may never understand.  Forgive and move forward in faith. 

In the very end, forgiving other for your pain makes you healthier overall.  Here are some questions to reflect on:

       1.       Is there someone that is being held hostage related to your pain?  Is that person you?

       2.       How much are you willing to sacrifice to wallow in old painful memories?

       3.       Are you struggling with forgiveness?

       4.       Are you ready to experience life with a renewed view?     

If you would like to discuss finding forgiveness, feel free to contact me for your free 30 minute consultation at 1-855-962-7550.