Unsilent

I have spent the last 4 years of my life running and hiding from a very dark past

Hoping that my past would just disappear and I would be free at last

Free to be me no longer feeling guilt, anger, or shame   

Free to live a normal life, no longer dwelling in self-blame

Self-hate, distorted self-image, low self-esteem

Absent self-worth, no time to pursue my dreams

Because dreaming is a crime when you live in chaos

My thoughts were too foggy to even get them across

Trying to hold it together when out with others

Putting on the façade of being an unbothered mother

Truth be told, I was burdened by holding this ugly secret

A secret that damages whoever chooses to keep it

It is a secret called domestic violence

It is that dirty shameful secret that keeps victims silent

Today is the day that I choose to share my pain

No longer weighed down by guilt, anger, and shame

By the way, that secret is no longer safe with me 

Because God has given me confirmation that I am free

Free to be me, pursue my dreams, no more secrets

Free to lead a fruitful life without regrets

The moral of the story is no matter what you’re going through

Rely on God to turn all your experiences to good use 

There is an elephant in the room that we are trying to avoid

The problem is, it is so big it creates a huge void

It takes up unnecessary space and impose on our lives

Even if it doesn’t affect you directly, it affects husbands and wives

Children, families, and friends everywhere

Are broken apart and drowning in their own tears

Despite their cries, others turn a blind eye

Pretending not to see the elephant, why?

Why does society pretend to be perfect? Yet it is very clear

Domestic violence is real and it will not just disappear

If we continue to ignore it it will only get worst

It has taken mothers, fathers, children, leaving families disturbed

But this is one woman who is taking a stand

Facing the elephant head on, I chose to take a stand. 

Standing up for those who are too afraid to speak

Taking a stand for those whose minds are too weak

Taking a stand for all who have experienced loss to domestic violence

Because the elephant will move, once I break my silence

So are you going to continue to sit there in bondage and lies?

Or are you going to fess up and give the elephant a surprise?

Are you ready to take back your homes, churches, and schools?

Then stand up and say NO to all forms of abuse.

It is time to identify love from a healthy standpoint with healthy eyes

Time to reinforce boundaries and create healthy family ties.

I'M DONE

I have decided today is the day that I am going to sever some lifelong relationships.  This is the type of decision that usually weighs heavy on my heart.  But, this time around, I feel peaceful.  I’m at peace with ending these relationships because I am at a place of being “DONE.” Done with the lies, mediocrity, limitations, deceit, and heavy burdens these relationships have placed on me. 

Have you ever had to leave a situation that no longer serves you, but instead suck the life out of you?  If you have, then you know exactly what I’m talking about. You see, this post is not about being mean or scandalous but instead being transparent; sharing some deep thoughts and feelings that most people would be afraid to share.  But as I said earlier, I AM DONE…I AM DONE…I AM DONE!

Therefore, shame, self-doubt, and fear, consider this your eviction notice.  You have no place in my life.  There is no room for you here anymore.  I am reclaiming the space you once occupied and I am replacing you with honor, security, and courage.  You have crippled me for long enough and I am moving on without you. 

Every time you thought you had me face down, I was simply consulting with my newfound friends.  Honor told me that I am not my past nor my future, I am my present.  There is nothing to be ashamed of.  Goodbye shame!

Security told me that self-doubt is merely a manipulative, dishonest thought pattern buried in my subconscious mind.  For this reason, I have worked hard to dig you out of the crevices of my subconscious and I’m giving you the boot too.

As for fear, you have been with me since I was a little girl.  You were introduced to me by people that I thought I could trust.  For this reason, I held on to you tightly and allowed you to introduce me to your friends, shame and self-doubt. These are the things you would tell me:

• “You will never be…”
• “You are going to fail…”
• “You’ll never make it…”
• “What if…?”

Quite frankly, I am sick and tired of you weighing me down.  As a matter of fact, you get the middle finger and a swift kick in your behind.  I AM THROUGH WITH YOU!

Today is the day I choose to reclaim my life from the shame, self-doubt, and fear I once felt.  I am replacing them with honor, security, and courage.  I will no longer allow self-limiting beliefs guide my life.  Through self-reflection, soul searching, and walking in faith, I have discovered that the real me is self-defined.  Negative belief systems have no home here.  In defining myself, I am an honorable, secure, and courageous woman.  I feel much better now that I have faced those demons head on. I feel relieved!  Today, I am an even better version of me.  Mission Accomplished!

Today is the day you should consider evicting negativity from your life.  Reclaim yourself and move forward in faith, knowing that you are not your past or even your future.  You are who you choose to be in this moment.  You are honorable!  Move forward knowing that you are in control of your thoughts and security can easily replace self-doubt. You are secure! Move forward with faith knowing that you are adequately prepared to face any obstacle head on.  You are courageous!

If this post has added value to your life, share it, inbox me, or leave a comment below.    

My Prince Charming

The worst thing that someone can do to another person is play with their mind.  This is the technique my abuser employed against me from early on in the relationship.  He targeted me because I was young, filled with naiveté, and had loose boundaries stemming from childhood traumas.  I was a successful professional, financially independent, and in a failing marriage.  He knew exactly what to say and what to do. Surprisingly, we shared the same interests, family views, long term goals, and childhood pains.  When we were together we were inseparable.  It was as though I was looking in the mirror.  Yes, he had flaws, but I was willing to work with him.  After all…I had my own personal issues, right? 

Before I knew it, I was love bombed, pregnant, and separated from my husband.  I found my prince charming and was ready to ride off into the sunset on our white stallion.  But there was one problem, my prince charming was hiding a big secret. He was not who had pretended to be.  As a matter of fact, he was the opposite of the person he had portrayed.  He was a monster.  He could not hold the fake persona together for very long.  As a matter of fact, when I announced that I was pregnant his mask fell off and what I saw was rather repulsive.  He congratulated me with a series of obscenities and total disconnect.  His response left me in a state of confusion.  What happened?  I could not comprehend. 

I spent the rest of our relationship searching for my prince charming.  But instead, my prince charming became the occasional house guest and the monster under the mask took over.  The monster under the mask had a field day with me.  His words and actions were always incongruent.  He would snare, “I love you.”  It was the weirdest thing I have ever experienced.  The monster would hide my belongings and then assist me in searching for what he had hidden.  The strangest thing was that the monster always seemed to recover all “lost items.”  He would blame the children and I for misplacing things, such as my keys, my debit card, etc.  I thought I was going crazy for a long time.  I would repeatedly try to reassure myself by saying, “I know I’m not crazy! I know I’m not crazy!”  But the monster made it his point of duty to attempt to convince me that something was wrong with me and I was indeed losing my mind.  The monster under the mask made many empty promises and false commitments to our family.  In all of my naiveté, I held on hoping for change.  He was aggressive, possessive, and controlling.  I lived with the monster and his secret for many years and continued having children with him.  Whenever he was abusive he would apologize and become my prince charming once again.  Prince charming only hung around temporarily though, and the cycle of abuse repeated itself over and over again. 

In the very end, my prince charming had left for good, never to return.  The monster under the mask had taken over completely. The funny thing is…my perception of my prince charming had nothing to do with the monster under mask.  In the end, I realized that the beautiful prince charming that he had introduced me to was just a mirror image of ME!

Living Takes Courage

When you wake up in the morning, do you have a pep in your step or do you drag yourself out of bed?  Do you look forward to your day or are you bummed out about what lies ahead?  Do you have goals and aspirations that you are actively pursuing or have you placed them all on the back burner?  Where do you see yourself a year from now?  Are you living or merely existing? 

To live is to experience life's every unexpected turn while embracing the love, pain, challenges, joy, sorrow, and all of life's emotions. Being emotionally connected is a good indicator that you are living.  Life can be emotionally toiling yet equally as enjoyable and fulfilling.  It takes great courage to truly live life.  This courage preceded hope.  The hope precedes dreams.  The dreams precede goals.  The goals precede actions.  The action precedes accomplishments.  Accomplishments preceded purpose and fulfillment.  As life goes by, it is important for you to make a conscious decision whether you will live or merely exist.   

If you have become numb to life, consider the following:

1.  There are blessings in everything you do.  The ability to read this blog is a blessing.  Look for the blessings in every situation. 

2.  Life lessons are essential to your growth.  While life lessons can be painful, you are forced to grow in preparation for the next challenge.

3. Life is an adventure.  While you may not know what to expect, you can mentally prepare for the unexpected.  Allow yourself room for fluid thoughts and endless possibilities.  Stay far from rigid thoughts, as they will only restrict you.


  

The Power of Self Reflection

Self reflection is the precursor to personal growth.  It is easy to focus on objects outside of self.  However, taking time to examine oneself is very important.  By embracing your ability to self reflect, you take a winner's position.  Through self refection, you will discover new qualities you possess or even rejuvenate dormant characteristics which may propel your life onto a more fulfilling path.  

Your reality is the sum of your life experiences and your perspective on all matters.  If you're reading this blog you are on the right path to completely identifying and acknowledging the source of your strength.  This is where self reflection falls into place.  It helps strengthen your belief system, identify areas of concern, and promote positive thought processes.

Self reflection combined with positive affirmation is the recipe for a healthy mindset.  The next time you are in a situation, tap into your strength and use self reflection as a guide, add positive affirmations to help reinforce the source of your strength, you.

The following are some suggestions of positive self talk:

1.  I am happy that I tried even though the outcome is different than I expected.
2.  I am proud of my determination.
3.  I am proud of who I am.
4.  I can identify areas for improvement and I have the power to make changes.
5.  I am very powerful, not powerless.
6.  My efforts have a purpose.
7.  I have a purpose.

Three Steps to Forgiveness

As we go through life we face many experiences, some pleasurable and others painful. Pleasurable events help motivate us to continue moving forward.  On the other hand, painful events can create spiritual shock, paralysis, dismay, or anger.  The unpleasant feelings that accompany painful moments can overshadow our lives if we allow them to, leading to depression, anxiety, and even mental illness.  Therefore, it is imperative that we find healthy ways to cope with emotional pain.   There are 3 steps in managing painful experiences effectively: acknowledge, pray, and forgive.

 

ACKNOWLEDGE

Acknowledgement is the beginning stage in every process imaginable to mankind.  For example, if your car has a problem, you must first acknowledge the issue before bringing the car to the mechanic; if you are sick, you must first acknowledge the symptoms in order to seek medical  attention; and if you are in debt, you must first acknowledge that you are ultimately struggling with life balance in order to devise a plan to get out of debt.   Acknowledgement is integral to all that we do, we must first acknowledge a matter before addressing it.  This is the same concept that surrounds the premise of coping with painful experiences.  To effectively address pain, we must first acknowledge that the pain exists.  In acknowledging your pain, you will find that you are ready to move forward to the next step, pray.

 

PRAY

The power of prayer is often underestimated.  I can attest to the fact that prayer is indeed powerful.  As humans, we are not designed to carry emotional baggage and burden.  As a matter of fact, painful experiences are merely growth opportunities.  Think about it, when a child or teenager  grows they complain of joint and bone pains, known as "growing pains"; when a woman becomes  pregnant and the baby grows, the mother experiences pain throughout her body; and when we experience pain on any realm (physical, emotional, spiritual, etc.) the same applies.  In reflecting on the idea that pain equals growth, it is important to recognize that pain accompanied by prayer expedites the growth process.  Prayer serves as anesthesia to pain. Additionally, the heavy baggage that comes along with emotional pain becomes God baggage.  He works through those issues, leaving you only with the memories that can be used to glorify Him.  Pray faithfully and walk your assigned walk and the pain will soon disappear. 

 

FORGIVE                                                                                                                                            

Forgiveness is a positive end product of painful experiences.  Upon arriving at a place of forgiveness, true recognition and personal growth is at its prime.  By forgiving someone for what they have done, you release yourself from emotional prison.  This is the step that allows you to breathe easier and rid yourself of all negativity.  Remember, someone's actions toward you is not a reflection of you.  It is a reflection of the pain that they are harboring inside.  As you move into forgiveness, remember to pray for them as they too are hurting on levels you may never understand.  Forgive and move forward in faith. 

In the very end, forgiving other for your pain makes you healthier overall.  Here are some questions to reflect on:

       1.       Is there someone that is being held hostage related to your pain?  Is that person you?

       2.       How much are you willing to sacrifice to wallow in old painful memories?

       3.       Are you struggling with forgiveness?

       4.       Are you ready to experience life with a renewed view?     

If you would like to discuss finding forgiveness, feel free to contact me for your free 30 minute consultation at 1-855-962-7550.