My Prince Charming

The worst thing that someone can do to another person is play with their mind.  This is the technique my abuser employed against me from early on in the relationship.  He targeted me because I was young, filled with naiveté, and had loose boundaries stemming from childhood traumas.  I was a successful professional, financially independent, and in a failing marriage.  He knew exactly what to say and what to do. Surprisingly, we shared the same interests, family views, long term goals, and childhood pains.  When we were together we were inseparable.  It was as though I was looking in the mirror.  Yes, he had flaws, but I was willing to work with him.  After all…I had my own personal issues, right? 

Before I knew it, I was love bombed, pregnant, and separated from my husband.  I found my prince charming and was ready to ride off into the sunset on our white stallion.  But there was one problem, my prince charming was hiding a big secret. He was not who had pretended to be.  As a matter of fact, he was the opposite of the person he had portrayed.  He was a monster.  He could not hold the fake persona together for very long.  As a matter of fact, when I announced that I was pregnant his mask fell off and what I saw was rather repulsive.  He congratulated me with a series of obscenities and total disconnect.  His response left me in a state of confusion.  What happened?  I could not comprehend. 

I spent the rest of our relationship searching for my prince charming.  But instead, my prince charming became the occasional house guest and the monster under the mask took over.  The monster under the mask had a field day with me.  His words and actions were always incongruent.  He would snare, “I love you.”  It was the weirdest thing I have ever experienced.  The monster would hide my belongings and then assist me in searching for what he had hidden.  The strangest thing was that the monster always seemed to recover all “lost items.”  He would blame the children and I for misplacing things, such as my keys, my debit card, etc.  I thought I was going crazy for a long time.  I would repeatedly try to reassure myself by saying, “I know I’m not crazy! I know I’m not crazy!”  But the monster made it his point of duty to attempt to convince me that something was wrong with me and I was indeed losing my mind.  The monster under the mask made many empty promises and false commitments to our family.  In all of my naiveté, I held on hoping for change.  He was aggressive, possessive, and controlling.  I lived with the monster and his secret for many years and continued having children with him.  Whenever he was abusive he would apologize and become my prince charming once again.  Prince charming only hung around temporarily though, and the cycle of abuse repeated itself over and over again. 

In the very end, my prince charming had left for good, never to return.  The monster under the mask had taken over completely. The funny thing is…my perception of my prince charming had nothing to do with the monster under mask.  In the end, I realized that the beautiful prince charming that he had introduced me to was just a mirror image of ME!

Living Takes Courage

When you wake up in the morning, do you have a pep in your step or do you drag yourself out of bed?  Do you look forward to your day or are you bummed out about what lies ahead?  Do you have goals and aspirations that you are actively pursuing or have you placed them all on the back burner?  Where do you see yourself a year from now?  Are you living or merely existing? 

To live is to experience life's every unexpected turn while embracing the love, pain, challenges, joy, sorrow, and all of life's emotions. Being emotionally connected is a good indicator that you are living.  Life can be emotionally toiling yet equally as enjoyable and fulfilling.  It takes great courage to truly live life.  This courage preceded hope.  The hope precedes dreams.  The dreams precede goals.  The goals precede actions.  The action precedes accomplishments.  Accomplishments preceded purpose and fulfillment.  As life goes by, it is important for you to make a conscious decision whether you will live or merely exist.   

If you have become numb to life, consider the following:

1.  There are blessings in everything you do.  The ability to read this blog is a blessing.  Look for the blessings in every situation. 

2.  Life lessons are essential to your growth.  While life lessons can be painful, you are forced to grow in preparation for the next challenge.

3. Life is an adventure.  While you may not know what to expect, you can mentally prepare for the unexpected.  Allow yourself room for fluid thoughts and endless possibilities.  Stay far from rigid thoughts, as they will only restrict you.


  

The Power of Self Reflection

Self reflection is the precursor to personal growth.  It is easy to focus on objects outside of self.  However, taking time to examine oneself is very important.  By embracing your ability to self reflect, you take a winner's position.  Through self refection, you will discover new qualities you possess or even rejuvenate dormant characteristics which may propel your life onto a more fulfilling path.  

Your reality is the sum of your life experiences and your perspective on all matters.  If you're reading this blog you are on the right path to completely identifying and acknowledging the source of your strength.  This is where self reflection falls into place.  It helps strengthen your belief system, identify areas of concern, and promote positive thought processes.

Self reflection combined with positive affirmation is the recipe for a healthy mindset.  The next time you are in a situation, tap into your strength and use self reflection as a guide, add positive affirmations to help reinforce the source of your strength, you.

The following are some suggestions of positive self talk:

1.  I am happy that I tried even though the outcome is different than I expected.
2.  I am proud of my determination.
3.  I am proud of who I am.
4.  I can identify areas for improvement and I have the power to make changes.
5.  I am very powerful, not powerless.
6.  My efforts have a purpose.
7.  I have a purpose.

Three Steps to Forgiveness

As we go through life we face many experiences, some pleasurable and others painful. Pleasurable events help motivate us to continue moving forward.  On the other hand, painful events can create spiritual shock, paralysis, dismay, or anger.  The unpleasant feelings that accompany painful moments can overshadow our lives if we allow them to, leading to depression, anxiety, and even mental illness.  Therefore, it is imperative that we find healthy ways to cope with emotional pain.   There are 3 steps in managing painful experiences effectively: acknowledge, pray, and forgive.

 

ACKNOWLEDGE

Acknowledgement is the beginning stage in every process imaginable to mankind.  For example, if your car has a problem, you must first acknowledge the issue before bringing the car to the mechanic; if you are sick, you must first acknowledge the symptoms in order to seek medical  attention; and if you are in debt, you must first acknowledge that you are ultimately struggling with life balance in order to devise a plan to get out of debt.   Acknowledgement is integral to all that we do, we must first acknowledge a matter before addressing it.  This is the same concept that surrounds the premise of coping with painful experiences.  To effectively address pain, we must first acknowledge that the pain exists.  In acknowledging your pain, you will find that you are ready to move forward to the next step, pray.

 

PRAY

The power of prayer is often underestimated.  I can attest to the fact that prayer is indeed powerful.  As humans, we are not designed to carry emotional baggage and burden.  As a matter of fact, painful experiences are merely growth opportunities.  Think about it, when a child or teenager  grows they complain of joint and bone pains, known as "growing pains"; when a woman becomes  pregnant and the baby grows, the mother experiences pain throughout her body; and when we experience pain on any realm (physical, emotional, spiritual, etc.) the same applies.  In reflecting on the idea that pain equals growth, it is important to recognize that pain accompanied by prayer expedites the growth process.  Prayer serves as anesthesia to pain. Additionally, the heavy baggage that comes along with emotional pain becomes God baggage.  He works through those issues, leaving you only with the memories that can be used to glorify Him.  Pray faithfully and walk your assigned walk and the pain will soon disappear. 

 

FORGIVE                                                                                                                                            

Forgiveness is a positive end product of painful experiences.  Upon arriving at a place of forgiveness, true recognition and personal growth is at its prime.  By forgiving someone for what they have done, you release yourself from emotional prison.  This is the step that allows you to breathe easier and rid yourself of all negativity.  Remember, someone's actions toward you is not a reflection of you.  It is a reflection of the pain that they are harboring inside.  As you move into forgiveness, remember to pray for them as they too are hurting on levels you may never understand.  Forgive and move forward in faith. 

In the very end, forgiving other for your pain makes you healthier overall.  Here are some questions to reflect on:

       1.       Is there someone that is being held hostage related to your pain?  Is that person you?

       2.       How much are you willing to sacrifice to wallow in old painful memories?

       3.       Are you struggling with forgiveness?

       4.       Are you ready to experience life with a renewed view?     

If you would like to discuss finding forgiveness, feel free to contact me for your free 30 minute consultation at 1-855-962-7550.

 

 

A New Way to Overcome Obstacles

 

Life is laden with obstacles, both big and small.  While each person's experiences differ, everyone has their fair share of problems.  Some people face unemployment, while others face marital problems, some face depression, while others face financial distress.  Whatever issues you are facing right now, it is important to remember that each trial is temporary.  While examining your situation, self-honesty should be in the forefront.  This is the best and only way to free yourself from repetitive chaos.  I will share what works for me when I am faced with my own trials.  But first, I will disclose those behaviors that did not work for me in the past:

1. I would rely on my own understanding of life, making up things as I go along to appease my bad decisions. 
2. I would insist that I was right in all of my decisions, despite the mess I had made. 
3. Whenever something went wrong I was never a part of the issue, it was not my fault.

When I held on to that faulty mentality, I noticed that my issues kept getting worse.  Then one day, I arrived at a point of pure frustration, frustration with life and life issues.  I had to make a change, life had to be better than the chaos I was living in.  In response to my frustration, I decided to change the way I look at life.  This is what worked for me:

1. I sought out knowledge through resources such as books and from people who I admired.
2. I changed the way I looked at myself in relation to the rest of the world.
3. I started assuming responsibility for my involvement in my problems.
4. I changed characteristics within me that were faulty and I embraced myself despite my imperfections.

While everyone may experience life differently, we all have obstacles to overcome.  In overcoming these obstacles, try examining your normal response to life difficulties. Then challenge yourself to respond in a different manner.  You will be surprised at the results. 

Here are some questions to reflect on:

1.       Who is responsible for your problems? 

       2.       Are your problems because of someone or something outside of you?

3.       How do you generally view life?

4.       What can you change to resolve the issue?

 

The Authority of Your Perception

So, is the glass half full or is the glass half empty?  Are you experiencing pain or is it growth? Is your life a mess or is it just time to remodel?  These are just a few questions that will allow you to reflect on your perception.  What are you harboring in your mind?  Is your mind cluttered with negativity?  Are you generally a positive or negative person?  These are issues worth reflecting on.  If your reading this blog, I am under the impression that you are striving to be a better you.  Therefore, self reflection is the beginning of refining yourself. 

The authority of YOUR perception lies deep within you.  The way you view life will determine the quality of your living experience.  An example, a positive person will look for the good in every situation.  On the other hand, a negative person will perceive most thing negatively, thus, missing many important opportunities.  As everyone has innate authority, why not exercise the authority of one's perception?  How do you view the world?  Are you aware that you mold your reality based on your perception?  Just a concept to think about...

The Elephant in the Room

Let's talk about the elephant in the room.  We are going to discuss the elephant because it is BIG and takes up too much space.  The elephant has managed to squeeze itself in this small room and I suspect that we are not supposed to notice it?  But we do!  The elephant is that thing preventing us from living out our God-given purposes. 

While my elephant is obstructing my view, I can't see yours.  In that respect, I assume that you can't mine.  So I'll stand here, right in front of my elephant, as you walk by and put on a smile, hoping that you don't notice the big elephant standing right behind me.  And I am under the assumption that you are doing the same.  The reality is...there is no more room for our elephants.  We are cluttered, congested, and sick and tired of being the caretaker of such heavy animals.  We cannot carry our elephants around because of its weight.

Now reread the post above and replace the word elephant with your real feelings.  Here are some suggestions: burdens, fears, anger, abuse, depression, suicidal thoughts, isolation, emptiness, unhealthy relationship, insecurities, etc.

We try to ignore the elephant in the room because it is painful to acknowledge it.  But pain is the precursor to change, change the precursor to growth, growth the precursor to maturity.  Once we have arrived at maturity we are ready to live in our God-given purposes.  Some things reflect on:

• Am I ready to acknowledge the elephant in the room?
• What can I do to change my elephant into something more desirable?
• Is my elephant a part of my God-given purpose?
• Can I help others by sharing my elephant with them?
• By sharing my elephant with others, can I save someone's life?

We were not designed to carry elephants around.  It is time to let God use your elephant for His purpose. Pray about it!

Make This Moment Count

As time continues to go by, some questions come to mind...Am I as productive as I can be?  What are my short term goals? Long term goals? Am I any closer to accomplishing my goals at this moment?  What should my focus be at this time?  Am I being the best me that I can be?

As time continues to go by I realize that I am merely an existence in this moment.  As a matter of fact, we are all a mere existence in this moment of time.  So, why not make the biggest impact possible?  Build an outstanding legacy that will impact many generations to come. Help others who are in need.  Function in our God-given purposes.  Start a movement.  Trendset!

Don't spend too much time planning because time will keep moving with or without you.  The right time for you do whatever it is you want to do is right now.  Think about it...Where do you want to be 5 years from now?  10 years from now?  Are you being as productive as you can be?  What are you doing to accomplish your goals at this moment in time?  These questions should become your daily norm because challenging yourself only makes you a stronger, more confident, and ultimately a more successful you.  Remember...we only have this moment, so make it count!

A Renewed Perspective

Life has many different views. It's okay to explore. -Monique

The idea of renewing your perspective requires a certain level of understanding and maturity.  You ask, "why is it necessary to renew my perspective?"  The answer is quite simple...to live a more tranquil life.  After all, there is always room for improvement.

We dream of a peaceful and tranquil life, so why not take the steps necessary to actually acquire our desires?  What is the barrier wedged between you and a peaceful life?  Are your dreams realistic?  What have you done thus far to transform your dreams into reality? 

You see...A renewed perspective takes the impossible and turns it into the possible.  It turns your dreams into reality.  It relieves you of stress and worry. It keeps you motivated, looking forward to a brighter tomorrow.  Renewing your perspective is necessary if you seek improvement in your overall quality of life.  It is time to get started with a renewed view, a renewed you, a more tranquil life. Here is a good place to start: What are some of your dreams or goals and what is preventing you from accomplishing them?