Ready to Live a Healthy, Happy, Purposeful Life?

There is nothing quite like personal development. By choosing to develop oneself, you are saying, "I assume full responsibility for every aspect of my life." While many may be clothed in an adult body, there is a lack of personal responsibility noted amongst humankind. You may be asking, "What are you talking about Monique?" In its simplest form, too many adults behave like immature children. Quite frankly, it is sad. 

Adults throwing temper tantrums, being irresponsible, using manipulation to gain control, bullying, lying, stealing, cheating...the list goes on. But that is not the reason for this post. Quite frankly, it is one of many catalysts that keeps me focused on leading a happy, healthy, and purposeful life. I would like to share 3 important tips on engaging in personal development that will change your life forever.

Tip #1

Personal development begins and ends with YOU!
This is the most powerful tip in my arsenal. Once you adopt this mindset, the real magic begins. I grew up as a people pleaser, hoping that approval will somehow get me into heaven (I don't know what I was thinking). People pleasing meant that I became prisoner to other people's expectations and limitations. Are you a people pleaser? A good way to figure this out is to look at the profession you chose.

·        Are you a caretaker? 

·        Low paid, unappreciated employee? 

·        Unhappy in your current position but feel stuck for some reason? 

Another way to examine if you are a people pleaser is to look at the type of people you are surrounded by. 

·        Are they needy? 

·        Toxic? 

·        Unappreciative? 

·        Do you feel like you are being taken advantage of? 

If you answered YES to the questions above, then it is quite possible you are a people pleaser. If this is the case, I have both good and bad news for you. The good news is you can take control of your life and make an exchange for a happy, healthy, purposeful life. The bad news is you will lose friends along the way. This is a part of personal development, recognizing what is honorable for you and ridding yourself of those people and behaviors that are dishonorable. The bottom line is…personal development begins and ends with you. You have more authority than you know by assuming responsibility for yourself.

Tip #2

Personal development requires discipline.
Yep, I said the D word. Everyone wants to take the fastest route to success. But most people lack the discipline that is necessary to be successful. As a mother of 8, I recently completed a medical degree. This was the result of discipline. Discipline to drive to and from class on snow covered roads, commuting 2-4 hours each way even when I didn't feel like it. Discipline to turn down invitations to social gatherings even when I really wanted to go. The discipline that was required for me to study, spend countless hours in clinic, and still maintain my personal and professional lives are unheard of.  

·        Do you have discipline? 

·        What goals have you set out to accomplish years ago that is still hanging in the wind? 

·        Are you in need of discipline?

I will share in a later post how to become more discipline. But for now, let this marinate: Personal development requires discipline. 

Tip #3

You have access to everything needed to start your journey right now.
There is a myriad of resources available for you to begin your personal development journey today. There are tons of courses, coaches, books, and other resources available for you to gather useful information and skills. As mentioned earlier, this process begins and ends with you.

For those who are ready to start taking full responsibility for your life, respond 'I'm Ready' below. 

For those already on their personal development journey, what has your journey been like? What have you learned along the way? Share your thoughts and feelings about making the choice to grow and develop below. 

Remember personal development is a process of assuming full responsibility for your life. If you are ready to get more acquainted with yourself and assume full responsibility for every area of your life, then it is time to begin your personal development journey.

If you found this useful, feel free to share it with others. 

Dr. Monique Walker

It is Never Too Late!

Dear Dreamer,

When I woke up this morning, I realized I was not dreaming.  My heart is filled with joy and my spirit filled with happiness and laughter. To complete the hard work that is required to become a doctor was very challenging. However, it pales in comparison to my life experiences.

Go to school, get good grades, pass, then your promoted.  On the other hand, go to school, get bad grades, fail, then you will have to do the class all over again. However, life is a little bit different. In life, you live, make good decisions, reap the benefits. On the other hand, when you make bad decisions in life, the consequences may last a lifetime. There are no retakes or make ups once a bad decision is made. However, it is never too late to become conscious of who you really are and make choices that will put you on a healthier path.

The benefits of good decisions are available for anyone to reap. This is my life story and how I chose to make good life decisions and create a legacy that will go on for many generations to come. It is never too late to implement good decision making, change, and grow spiritually! 

Many Blessing 

Dr. Monique Walker

The Truth Is…

I find myself searching for someone that will never be found.  I am looking for someone who is ambitious, happy, stable, loving, kind, a believer and follower of God.  Someone to compliment my rollercoaster life.  Someone to break bread with.  You know, a ride or die.  Someone with focus and goals.  This person has to fit MY ideal image in all of these areas.   This person has to understand all of the intricacies that make me who I am. 

I have searched from coast to coast, looking for my ideal person.  While on the road I found an abuser, a recluse, and an imposter.  While it is easy to give these individuals a title and be judgmental of who they are, the truth is the person with the real issues is me.  The truth is by searching I am going outside of myself to find something that I have made up in my mind to be ideal.  On that note, I am attracting just the opposite of what I am looking for.  Ambitious becomes lazy, happy becomes sad, stable becomes chaotic, loving becomes jealousy, kind becomes selfish, and believer becomes nonbeliever.  How on earth can this person compliment my rollercoaster life much less break bread with me?  Forget about ride or die that becomes run for your life girl.  That is just what I have been doing, running for my life. 

I am now tired of searching, feeling disappointed, disconnected, and running for my life.  I am now forced to face my demons head on.  What I have found is my truth.  The truth is:

• People are not projects that require repair or even someone’s opinion of who they are.
• Either you accept someone for who they are or leave them alone.
• Each person has their own self work to do. Be respectful of their process.

With that said, my search is over.  As I sit here alone with my ideal ideas, I discovered that my ideal person was never lost.  Therefore, my searching was pointless.  As a matter of fact, I have had that person all along.  I have been running and searching everywhere for something that was in plain sight.  She is me and I am her, a woman who is willing to stand in her truth, submitting to personal growth, and spiritual maturity.  I challenge you to stand in your truth.

Unsilent

I have spent the last 4 years of my life running and hiding from a very dark past

Hoping that my past would just disappear and I would be free at last

Free to be me no longer feeling guilt, anger, or shame   

Free to live a normal life, no longer dwelling in self-blame

Self-hate, distorted self-image, low self-esteem

Absent self-worth, no time to pursue my dreams

Because dreaming is a crime when you live in chaos

My thoughts were too foggy to even get them across

Trying to hold it together when out with others

Putting on the façade of being an unbothered mother

Truth be told, I was burdened by holding this ugly secret

A secret that damages whoever chooses to keep it

It is a secret called domestic violence

It is that dirty shameful secret that keeps victims silent

Today is the day that I choose to share my pain

No longer weighed down by guilt, anger, and shame

By the way, that secret is no longer safe with me 

Because God has given me confirmation that I am free

Free to be me, pursue my dreams, no more secrets

Free to lead a fruitful life without regrets

The moral of the story is no matter what you’re going through

Rely on God to turn all your experiences to good use 

There is an elephant in the room that we are trying to avoid

The problem is, it is so big it creates a huge void

It takes up unnecessary space and impose on our lives

Even if it doesn’t affect you directly, it affects husbands and wives

Children, families, and friends everywhere

Are broken apart and drowning in their own tears

Despite their cries, others turn a blind eye

Pretending not to see the elephant, why?

Why does society pretend to be perfect? Yet it is very clear

Domestic violence is real and it will not just disappear

If we continue to ignore it it will only get worst

It has taken mothers, fathers, children, leaving families disturbed

But this is one woman who is taking a stand

Facing the elephant head on, I chose to take a stand. 

Standing up for those who are too afraid to speak

Taking a stand for those whose minds are too weak

Taking a stand for all who have experienced loss to domestic violence

Because the elephant will move, once I break my silence

So are you going to continue to sit there in bondage and lies?

Or are you going to fess up and give the elephant a surprise?

Are you ready to take back your homes, churches, and schools?

Then stand up and say NO to all forms of abuse.

It is time to identify love from a healthy standpoint with healthy eyes

Time to reinforce boundaries and create healthy family ties.

I'M DONE

I have decided today is the day that I am going to sever some lifelong relationships.  This is the type of decision that usually weighs heavy on my heart.  But, this time around, I feel peaceful.  I’m at peace with ending these relationships because I am at a place of being “DONE.” Done with the lies, mediocrity, limitations, deceit, and heavy burdens these relationships have placed on me. 

Have you ever had to leave a situation that no longer serves you, but instead suck the life out of you?  If you have, then you know exactly what I’m talking about. You see, this post is not about being mean or scandalous but instead being transparent; sharing some deep thoughts and feelings that most people would be afraid to share.  But as I said earlier, I AM DONE…I AM DONE…I AM DONE!

Therefore, shame, self-doubt, and fear, consider this your eviction notice.  You have no place in my life.  There is no room for you here anymore.  I am reclaiming the space you once occupied and I am replacing you with honor, security, and courage.  You have crippled me for long enough and I am moving on without you. 

Every time you thought you had me face down, I was simply consulting with my newfound friends.  Honor told me that I am not my past nor my future, I am my present.  There is nothing to be ashamed of.  Goodbye shame!

Security told me that self-doubt is merely a manipulative, dishonest thought pattern buried in my subconscious mind.  For this reason, I have worked hard to dig you out of the crevices of my subconscious and I’m giving you the boot too.

As for fear, you have been with me since I was a little girl.  You were introduced to me by people that I thought I could trust.  For this reason, I held on to you tightly and allowed you to introduce me to your friends, shame and self-doubt. These are the things you would tell me:

• “You will never be…”
• “You are going to fail…”
• “You’ll never make it…”
• “What if…?”

Quite frankly, I am sick and tired of you weighing me down.  As a matter of fact, you get the middle finger and a swift kick in your behind.  I AM THROUGH WITH YOU!

Today is the day I choose to reclaim my life from the shame, self-doubt, and fear I once felt.  I am replacing them with honor, security, and courage.  I will no longer allow self-limiting beliefs guide my life.  Through self-reflection, soul searching, and walking in faith, I have discovered that the real me is self-defined.  Negative belief systems have no home here.  In defining myself, I am an honorable, secure, and courageous woman.  I feel much better now that I have faced those demons head on. I feel relieved!  Today, I am an even better version of me.  Mission Accomplished!

Today is the day you should consider evicting negativity from your life.  Reclaim yourself and move forward in faith, knowing that you are not your past or even your future.  You are who you choose to be in this moment.  You are honorable!  Move forward knowing that you are in control of your thoughts and security can easily replace self-doubt. You are secure! Move forward with faith knowing that you are adequately prepared to face any obstacle head on.  You are courageous!

If this post has added value to your life, share it, inbox me, or leave a comment below.    

My Prince Charming

The worst thing that someone can do to another person is play with their mind.  This is the technique my abuser employed against me from early on in the relationship.  He targeted me because I was young, filled with naiveté, and had loose boundaries stemming from childhood traumas.  I was a successful professional, financially independent, and in a failing marriage.  He knew exactly what to say and what to do. Surprisingly, we shared the same interests, family views, long term goals, and childhood pains.  When we were together we were inseparable.  It was as though I was looking in the mirror.  Yes, he had flaws, but I was willing to work with him.  After all…I had my own personal issues, right? 

Before I knew it, I was love bombed, pregnant, and separated from my husband.  I found my prince charming and was ready to ride off into the sunset on our white stallion.  But there was one problem, my prince charming was hiding a big secret. He was not who had pretended to be.  As a matter of fact, he was the opposite of the person he had portrayed.  He was a monster.  He could not hold the fake persona together for very long.  As a matter of fact, when I announced that I was pregnant his mask fell off and what I saw was rather repulsive.  He congratulated me with a series of obscenities and total disconnect.  His response left me in a state of confusion.  What happened?  I could not comprehend. 

I spent the rest of our relationship searching for my prince charming.  But instead, my prince charming became the occasional house guest and the monster under the mask took over.  The monster under the mask had a field day with me.  His words and actions were always incongruent.  He would snare, “I love you.”  It was the weirdest thing I have ever experienced.  The monster would hide my belongings and then assist me in searching for what he had hidden.  The strangest thing was that the monster always seemed to recover all “lost items.”  He would blame the children and I for misplacing things, such as my keys, my debit card, etc.  I thought I was going crazy for a long time.  I would repeatedly try to reassure myself by saying, “I know I’m not crazy! I know I’m not crazy!”  But the monster made it his point of duty to attempt to convince me that something was wrong with me and I was indeed losing my mind.  The monster under the mask made many empty promises and false commitments to our family.  In all of my naiveté, I held on hoping for change.  He was aggressive, possessive, and controlling.  I lived with the monster and his secret for many years and continued having children with him.  Whenever he was abusive he would apologize and become my prince charming once again.  Prince charming only hung around temporarily though, and the cycle of abuse repeated itself over and over again. 

In the very end, my prince charming had left for good, never to return.  The monster under the mask had taken over completely. The funny thing is…my perception of my prince charming had nothing to do with the monster under mask.  In the end, I realized that the beautiful prince charming that he had introduced me to was just a mirror image of ME!